Monday, July 13, 2009

Silence Means Nothing Good

It started out as a good morning. I slept in a luxurious extra 45 minutes, dressed in comfy pants and flat shoes, and packed my little Care Bear Cousins tin vintage lunchbox with a plethora (oh yeah) of craft supplies. The baby awoke in an affectionate mood, and we cuddled on Mommy's "speshul banklet" for a few minutes. I hummed as I packed the lunches, all was going well.
But just then, a cold dread gripped me. Right in the gut. No, it wasn't poo. It was the terrifying sound of.... Silence.
I dropped the carton of Dora yougurt and ran to the bedroom, (thankfully in comfy flats) hoping it wasn't too late. It was. My precious little angel had gotten into my vanity and applied -what seemed to a 2 year old- makeup. What's so bad about a bit of makeup? Nothing, unless the 2 year old had mistaken FACIAL HAIR REMOVAL CREAM as such! I don't even know where this came from, first off *cough*cough* But the tube is shaped like lipstick. Why she thought this creamy white "lipstick" should be slathered across her eyelids though, will remain a mystery.
I screamed, she screamed- although not for the same reason. I was picturing my toddler without eyelashes. She was just scared of Mommy. I rushed her to the bathroom, where I attempted to wipe it out of her eyes as she flailed like someone being tortured. I consulted the Spanish-English dictionary for the translation of "hair removal cream" (which, ridiculously, was not included.)
The babysitter would just have to figure it out on her own.
After work, I was relieved to pick up a child with a beautiful full set of lashes. I sat down at the computer to blog about my funny little mishap and pat myself on the back for avoiding the emergency room, just like one of those good moms. Then I hear it...
Silence...
I turn around, too late to stop her from squeezing the rest of the tube (that I had stupidly left open on the vanity) into her mouth. After another round of screeching and washcloth torture, I gave her a full glass of milk. I hope that's what you're supposed to do after eating a tube of Nair. The package didn't say anything about accidental, or intentional, ingestion. Shouldn't the Nair people know that packaging dangerous cream to look like a lipstick tube is just asking for trouble? Clearly this is not my fault. It's not like anything like this has ever happened before...

1 comment:

Marte said...

Yikes, that's terrifying! Although I will admit, I lauged at the story, sorry :p It's not my fault, it was well written and funny!

Mmmmmmm Nair. You know, my BIL used it on his head, because a friend of his had joked about it once. "Why don't you just use Nair instead of shaving your head all the time?"
So he did. And left it on too long. Let's just say that he will not have to shave his head ever again.