Monday, December 14, 2009


Growing up, I was decidedly NOT encouraged to read Seventeen magazine. And I was ok with that, except for one weakness: Quizzes.
Maybe I'm secretly narcissistic, or maybe I just really needed to know which teen heartthrob I should marry. Whatever the compulsion, I loved huddling around a table in the school library with my friends, giggling over what kind of date Leonardo DiCaprio would surely treat us to.

Fifteen years later, (OMG 15 YEARS??) I still avoid the flaky magazines throwing themselves and their photoshop-enhanced cover girls at me in the grocery store checkout line. I mean really, I'm not sure I feel comfortable learning all about the mystical powers of my "va-jay-jay" from Cosmo. My hippie midwife filled me in on all that during prenatal care, thankyouverymuch. And yeah, that was really one of the feature articles on the cover of Cosmo recently. In fact, I wasn't even at the grocery store when I was visually assaulted with this ridiculous euphemism, I was innocently clipping coupons from the newspaper flyers: "Raisin Bran, no.... glass cleaner, no.... cookie dough, yes please... VA-JAY-JAY??!!"
Consider yourselves warned.
Anyway, my prudeness has thus far saved me from time-wasting quiz nonsense, until Facebook. I pride myself for scorning silly games like Farmville and Cafeworld, but I can't help myself when it comes to quizzes. Yes, I really do need to know what kind of dinosaur I am!
The annoying thing about Facebook quizzes, though, is that the majority seem to have been authored by illiterate teenagers who write things like, "should of." Gahh! Not that bad grammar has deterred me from learning just which Johnny Depp character I am.
This evening I found myself with a large list of things to do, which naturally led me to procrastinate online. And so a quiz was born:

If you have no idea what ATF is *sigh*
Says wikipedia, "The show is about the adventures of three anthropomorphic fast food items and their next-door neighbor in suburban New Jersey. The original crime-solving premise of the show was abandoned early. The episodes usually involve the characters being visited by a wide variety of strange monsters, most of which are of little power or consequence. The show features surreal and often morbid humor. An initially structured plot is often abandoned as characters' actions take the story far afield."
For those of you who are visual learners, you can watch some little ATF videos at
Or you can take something valuable away from this, and not squander any more precious time. Especially on a giant talking milkshake with a bad attitude, a floating bearded box of french fries, and a gullible wad of uncooked meat.

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