Thursday, January 14, 2010

The Coffee Diet

"...I’m on this new diet. Well, I don’t eat anything and when I feel like I’m about to faint I eat a cube of cheese. I’m just one stomach flu away from my goal weight."
-Emily Blunt, The Devil Wears Prada


After my baby was born, I wasn't able to nurse and therefore the weight didn't just fall off like I'd hoped. So after my maternity leave, I returned to working full-time and developed my own weight loss plan.

I give you: The Coffee Diet.

Disclaimer: Don't try this at home. You might faint, have a heart attack, never sleep again, and make everyone around you miserable.

But it works great! Here's what you do: Drink coffee. That's pretty much it.
Make sure it's the high-octane stuff, the near-lethal doses of caffeine are the key to success. You'll be so jittery that you can't help but fidget like a maniac, burning loads of calories. Also, you'll be so nauseous that you won't even be thinking of food. Exciting new flavors of creamer, perhaps, but definitely not cheeseburgers.

If you just can't take it anymore, indulge in a cup of tea.

This has been my favorite flavor lately, although my husband says it makes him want to puke. Interesting. Could also be good for dieting purposes.

Ever since SOMEBODY left my vintage yellow enamel Fiestaware teakettle boiling for like an hour and completely ruined it, we've had to use a regular old saucepan. But it's still quicker than making coffee, so I put the tea on first thing in the morning. A cup of tea holds me over until I'm feeling awake enough to fiddle with the coffee maker.

I also like these flavors.

Hey how did that peanut butter chocolate brownie get in there???


ElegantSnobbery said...

Haha, I tried the coffee diet... but then I had to eat some coffee cake to go with it. And instead of a cube of cheese to keep me from fainting, I tend to eat the whole block. Stupid diet.

janet said...

Please tell me you are kidding!!!!! Your post made me laugh so that brownie!!!!!

Sara said...

Bwhahahah! Love the coffee diet. By 10:30, I'm ready to eat a 10 brownies though.

Anonymous said...

Less sleep=more time for crafting


Love this post!