Sunday, March 14, 2010

Enhancing The Truth

Have you ever told your kid that a certain "unpopular" kind of food was actually something magical and exciting so that they'd eat it and not die of scurvy?

Yeah, me neither. Cuz.. uh... that would be lying. Right?


After hearing Jamie SomeExpertOnFood rant about how sugar is killing our kids, I bought the hype and have been attempting to sneak healthy foods into our lives.

First up: Grapes. Also known as "Berries like Strawberry Shortcake!" That one she came up with on her own, ok?
Next, we have yogurt-covered raisins. Extra points to me for buying the strawberry-flavored ones, which are pink. After she sucked off all the sugary coating, she spit them out. Fail.
Ok let's try apples. Our Krogers was selling "lunchbox apples," which are apparently regular apples that have been genetically engineered to fit in a lunchbox? All I know is that they were little and cute, and gave me the opportunity to add the word "baby" in front of them. This is a proven fact: If you add "baby" in front of any food, they'll eat it.

Which brings me to the next item on the health food menu: Clementines, aka "baby oranges!" This is going well so far, except that she can only eat them after 3pm., when her father gets home from work. Why? Because I'm terrified of oranges. Specifically, what's between the actual fruit and the peel. That is, skin. Uh-huh, orange skin. Like what happens when you get a sunburn and you peel. Only this stuff is soft, moist, and chunky. *shudder*
I know, I know- How can I expect my kid to eat healthy when I set a horrible example? My version of getting fruits into my diet is to eat the orange-flavored, orange-shaped dark chocolate balls. Hey, they even come apart in slices! And no limp squishy skin.

But oranges make great toys apparently. Right now she's dumping them all over the floor. She just pushed them into a pile and covered them with a blanket. Then she whisked away the blanket and said in an evil voice, "Here's your precious princess!" A la Malificent, Sleeping Beauty. Great, now my kid is going to die of diabetes in three weeks AND she watches too much TV.

Last night for dinner we had pasta with spaghetti sauce, and the sauce had little bits of herbs in it. The kid freaked. I tried to tell her they were chopped up Tree Stars, like in "The Land Before Time." She wasn't buying it.
"But Littlefoot loves tree stars," I tried to reason with her. And you know what she said?
"Those are leaves Mommy! I don like to eat leaves!"

Have you ever "embellished" the truth to get your kid to eat something healthy? Leave your comments below. Winner gets a lifetime supply of magical glittery pink broccoli, loved by all children.*

*No, you won't. That's just an embellishment of the truth. Which is that the winner will get a good laugh.


ElegantSnobbery said...

Hmmm... have you tried making some yummy dipping sauces? Or using strawberry yogurt for dipping? I know little kids love to dip stuff.

Weirdly, my kids eat any fruit or veggie that I put in front of them. But I've always been a little militant about the snacks I give them. They are naturally VERY high energy kids (I wonder if my youngest has ADHD) so I don't give them sweets, especially not ones with high fructose corn syrup.

What I do is this: If it is snack time they always get a piece of fruit or a veggie first... that's it. No other food until its gone. Which means, when dinner rolls around, if that apple is sitting there, they eat it first. Or sometimes, they'll get it for dessert.

I don't get any complaints. They are 3 and 4 now, and are used to the routine. They eat more fruit and veggies than probably any other kid on the planet, and they'll eat EVERYTHING.

Okay, yeah, this is long. Sorry...

Lori said...

Ha! So true. I used to tell my kids that broccoli were actually little trees and they were dinosaurs. They would hold those suckers and destroy them. (flashback of the mom in the Christmas Story). Anyway, they love broccoli to this day. :)

Onewithwings said...

This is too cute! My son is only 18 months. He likes to try new flavors, but is very selective about what he actually swallows, lol!

Anonymous said...

i love it! luckily my kids like fruit. and if they don't i just put maple syrup or honey on it to make it more palatable. plus maple syrup and honey don't to the evil blood sugar tirade thing that overly processed sugars do to them.
now if you find a way to get them to eat ANY kind of vegetable, please let me know.

koralee said...

So cute! I love are so right with the baby lingo...add baby in front of anything and it will get gobbled up...especially in my home with 3 girls. xo

Jessica said...

I'll have to remember your tips when Felix starts eating real food and understanding what I'm saying. I love clementines. Jesse thinks they're too much work- he would rather have a "real orange". Wutevs. But maybe I'll tell him they're baby oranges. He might go for it!

Splendid Little Stars said...

darn! I was all into the glittery pink broccoli!
OK. I said something similar to Lori regarding broccoli. Probably said he was a monster eating trees. And then there was the flying airplane food he was supposed to gobble up.
If kids grow their own food they are usually more into eating it.
wishing you luck!

florabond said...

After tweeting with you the other day I remembered more of the "lies" I have told my kids in the past.
I told you about noodles being batman whips,
well if he would not eat the veggie that was on the side, it was the Joker or the Penguin. Peas were the "Joker bombs"
As you can imagine some of the "Batman whips" and "Joker bombs" would end up the floor in a big mess.
Sometimes you have to give up on table manners. LOL!

Little Time Wasters said...

Multi-grain bread was called 'real bread' in our house. White, processed bread was called 'paper bread'. It worked on me, I'd still rather have bread full of seeds any day.

Juz said...

Greetings from South Africa,
My mom use to tell me that my body was made up of tiny soldiers and that I hat to eat fruit & veg because it gave them ammunition to fight the evil colds and flues. I know, a load of poop, but it kinda worked.

Anonymous said...

My best trick is grated veggies hidden in foods they will eat. I often add grated zucchini in spaghetti or meatloaf, and they have no clue. ;)

Dips work well for some foods.

And sometimes, if I let the kids help prepare the food, they at least want to try it, and sometimes they like it .....