Thursday, April 8, 2010

Forbidden Letter Combinations

My dad is super generous and takes us to dinner a lot. Last night we went to Steak & Shake and all was going well until Dad mentioned that he had a hankering *shudder* for a fruit smoothie *shudder*Dad knows I have this thing with disgusting words, more like a thing against disgusting words.
Hear me out. Everybody has a word they think is just gross, right? It doesn't even have to be the thing the word describes, but just the word itself- The way the letters go together, the way it sounds, the way it looks.

Dad actually carries around a little list in his wallet so that he can write down any offensive words and use them against me later. True story.
So last night we're at the table, I'm enjoying my guacamole burger, (which by the way is a pretty cool word unless somebody has to shorten it to just the first four letters. Then it's an awful word!) when the evening turns into a forbidden letter combination free for all, with my dear husband fueling Dad with ammunition.
"Oh, and she hates the word _______!"

(Here's a picture for reference. Hint: It starts with a G)

"Really? How do you spell that?" Asks Dad.
Douglas doesn't know. I roll my eyes. Enter our poor waitress, a little bleached haired, eyeliner overloaded sixteen-year-old. She was already on Dad's bad side for staring off into space during our order and then asking for it to be repeated.

"Excuse me, Miss, do you know how to spell ______?"
She twirls her hair, chomps her gum, and says, "Oh my gawd, it is like so totally weird you asked me that, cuz in school today I had to spell that in English class and I totally didn't know how!"

Hilarity ensues.

Here are a few more forbidden letter combinations:
A ______ is used for serving soup. It shall hereafter be referred to as a soup getter-outer spoon.

This thing carries trash down a river. Can't it just be called the garbage ship?
And here's a big plate, which has a terrible alter ego. (Starts with a P) Which is a real shame, since Smoke Gets In Your Eyes is one of my favorite songs.

Let's change this one to... Hospital People Stroller.

This has to be the most horrible word known to mankind. Hint: It's not national, geographic, or channel.

I know you have some too, just admit it!


Tizzalicious said...

Hahaha, I can totally see what you mean. I have the same with some words. And GUAC without the rest of the word is definitely a gross one.

Amanda (and Kevin by association) said...

Hilarious! I agree with that last one completely!

Christine said...

I thought I was the only freak! :)

The worst word ever is the one for the fleshy part of your ear at the bottom.

In fact, "fleshy" is a pretty horrific word too. Ugh.

♥ xtine

Tracitalynne said...

"slacks" eesh. ick.

I don't like smoothie, either, and EW, fleshy!

Jessica said...

"pleasure" is an awful word. totally agree with you on guac, as well.

glad to know i'm not the only one!

Aleutie said...

LOLz, you are so funny :))) And I hate that "g" word too. Let's call it "wall-less house".

Good Girls Studio said...

You are hystlarious {that would be hysterical & hilarious because my son can't distinguish between the two ;)}!

No weird words for me..I loove words..maybe not bowel {blech} or vag {ewwww who says that?}

Thanks for the laughs my dear!

Lisa said...

I hate "scrip" for "prescription." And "temblor" instead of "earthquake." (Though that's the word for "earthquake" in Spanish, so when speaking Spanish, it's fine.)

moonmystic said...

One of my students spelled it "woom" which made it seem roomy or speedy somehow. . .

SewSweetStitches said...

Literally LOL at all of you guys!!! From the tweets I got about this too, fleshy and pants seem to be some pretty big offenders. Thanks for the comments, you've made me laugh. And gag.